Things my toddler did today

1. Took a poop in the middle of his bedroom floor, then stepped in it and took off running

2. Peed in the laundry basket

3. Very politely said, “You’re welcome” when my husband shouted “thank you” at the dog for barking at the neighbors.



My Uber driver to the airport today was driving a brand new car, so clean and empty it could have come right off the dealer’s lot, except for the naked lady air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror. Bold choice